LahLa Land

Brain Cancer 1 Minute

LahLa’s not my formal name, though I do have a special person in my life who calls me that, so it is genuine! Lahla is who I am when I want to talk about brain cancer and the things that come with it. Here, I am vulnerable, honest, and open.

Part of the reason I write as Lahla is that I don’t let cancer define me. Many people I know outside the blogging world don’t even know that I’m brain cancer freeish, or what my family went through, and that’s mostly worth it for me. I don’t want to be defined by cancer and I don’t want to create a digital profile for my family members which may harm them or expose them too much, especially since I have no idea where technology and privacy are going. I like being able to keep Lahla in a box and choose when to open and close it.

Even though this has its benefits, I still worry about how I come across to my readers.  I follow several other blogs and I always feel more connected when I see someone’s face and call them by name. I feel like I know them and I want relationships to be a possibility for those who want to on my blog too.

I did actually use two real pictures of me, though. One is my eye- the window to my soul, and The other is a picture of a shadow of me- symbolic of representing myself in a different space. It’s funny because I didn’t think about the symbolism when I selected the photos. Maybe I chose them subconsciously? I mean I knew what they were and that they were still somewhat private, but I see and appreciate the symbolism now.

My thoughts are scattered all over the place and, unfortunately, that’s often reflected in my writing. I guess there is no real end to this story. Maybe because I’m still in the middle of it? I’m just sharing some of my thoughts, drives, concerns, struggles, and questions with my fellow bloggers. I’d love to hear back from you if you have anything you want to share. Have a great Monday!

Published by Lahla

I am a brain cancer survivor living life after emergency-mode. I’ve gone through everything you hear about, finding out you have cancer, surgery, treatment, making plans, getting help, being unconscious, and so on. I may refer back to that... Shit, it may COME back to that! But for now, I’d like to talk about life AFTER the emergency mode that brain cancer brings. I’d like to talk about normal, regular, everyday life when part of your brain is gone and the rest takes over. I’d like to talk about normal, regular, everyday life when your perspective changes. I’d like to talk about normal, regular, everyday life when others see you differently and they either get you or they don’t. I’ve spent over three and a half years holding this in, mainly because I didn’t want to be labeled as having brain cancer. Many people fail to understand what that label brings. It’s not the same as denial- think about that. However, after all this time, I realize that holding onto it feels like cancer. I didn’t chose cancer but I had chosen to hold onto what felt like cancer. Not any more. So here it goes. I hope you get something good out of it, my brain cancer freeish, everyday life perspective.

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4 thoughts on “LahLa Land”

  2. I think “alter egos” serve a tremendous purpose. Individuals are complex. Well, some of us believe we are lol. And to that end, I believe there are voices for the different aspects of ourselves. Half the fun sometimes is discovering how those voices manifest 🙂
    You’ve nailed it…it is all about choice.
    P.S. Thanks for clicking the Like button on my TToT post today 🙂

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    1. Thank you! That means a lot to me 😊. I loved your TToT post. It really got me thinking and I’m not always ready to talk but I really enjoy the thought process and focus it inspired. Have a wonderful day!

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