Life by the Quarter

Brain Cancer 1 Minute

MRIs and doctor appointments are every three months now, and Thursday will be my fifteenth. It’s truly like living quarter to quarter. You would think that after a successful surgery and chemotherapy, life would be pure bliss, but it’s not.

Well, the first month is. After all, the doctor has just said that everything is stable- nothing in the MRI has changed. And I passed my little quiz and physical assessment and all. So the first month is mostly what life was like before brain cancer but with a fresher, more grateful perspective. I get four months of those a year.

Month two is pretty regular. The bliss of being pronounced well has faded, but otherwise all is good. If I had to pick a normal month, this one is the closest.

Month three, however, is a different story. Month three is full of anxiety, symptoms (that go away following the appointment), doubt, fear, et cetera. I get four months of those a year too. I know I should be more optimistic, but one of these days one of those Month Threes is going to end differently.  The odds are all for it. And it’s hard. Really hard.

There can come a time when the end of month three takes a detour and the month of bliss doesn’t come, because cancer took its place.  That is my fear, and that is likely to be my reality.  But when?  Tick…tick…tick…

I’m in the last few days of this, my fifteenth Month Three. Holding my breath. Hoping all is well. Going crazy.  Reacting quickly.  Hoping I can breathe again.  (Inhale.) Please let me begin my month of bliss. Thursday afternoon.

Published by Lahla

I am a brain cancer survivor living life after emergency-mode. I’ve gone through everything you hear about, finding out you have cancer, surgery, treatment, making plans, getting help, being unconscious, and so on. I may refer back to that... Shit, it may COME back to that! But for now, I’d like to talk about life AFTER the emergency mode that brain cancer brings. I’d like to talk about normal, regular, everyday life when part of your brain is gone and the rest takes over. I’d like to talk about normal, regular, everyday life when your perspective changes. I’d like to talk about normal, regular, everyday life when others see you differently and they either get you or they don’t. I’ve spent over three and a half years holding this in, mainly because I didn’t want to be labeled as having brain cancer. Many people fail to understand what that label brings. It’s not the same as denial- think about that. However, after all this time, I realize that holding onto it feels like cancer. I didn’t chose cancer but I had chosen to hold onto what felt like cancer. Not any more. So here it goes. I hope you get something good out of it, my brain cancer freeish, everyday life perspective.

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5 thoughts on “Life by the Quarter”

  1. Pingback: Good MRI Today! – LahLa

  2. I’ve been there, exactly as you described! At 7 years post op, it gets a bit easier, but it’s tough emotionally. Some of this was the anti seizure meds I have. Do you take something like Kepra?

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    1. I took Kepra for a few weeks and it made me very angry and unstable. I moved to Oxtellar SR and it was better in those departments but takes a lot of my energy away. I was able to get my dose lowered to my absolute minimum since I haven’t had a seizure. Taking less helps but I truly wish I could just get off of it. Thank you for sharing your experience, gives me hope!

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  3. Pingback: My Husband Having a New Wife – from My Brain Cancer Freeish Perspective – LahLa – Brain Cancer Freeish
  4. Pingback: MRI Update – Rubble Blossom

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