LahLa’s not my formal name, though I do have a special person in my life who calls me that, so it is genuine! Lahla is who I am when I want to talk about brain cancer and the things that come with it. Here, I am vulnerable, honest, and open.
Part of the reason I write as Lahla is that I don’t let cancer define me. Many people I know outside the blogging world don’t even know that I’m brain cancer freeish, or what my family went through, and that’s mostly worth it for me. I don’t want to be defined by cancer and I don’t want to create a digital profile for my family members which may harm them or expose them too much, especially since I have no idea where technology and privacy are going. I like being able to keep Lahla in a box and choose when to open and close it.
Even though this has its benefits, I still worry about how I come across to my readers. I follow several other blogs and I always feel more connected when I see someone’s face and call them by name. I feel like I know them and I want relationships to be a possibility for those who want to on my blog too.
I did actually use two real pictures of me, though. One is my eye- the window to my soul, and The other is a picture of a shadow of me- symbolic of representing myself in a different space. It’s funny because I didn’t think about the symbolism when I selected the photos. Maybe I chose them subconsciously? I mean I knew what they were and that they were still somewhat private, but I see and appreciate the symbolism now.
My thoughts are scattered all over the place and, unfortunately, that’s often reflected in my writing. I guess there is no real end to this story. Maybe because I’m still in the middle of it? I’m just sharing some of my thoughts, drives, concerns, struggles, and questions with my fellow bloggers. I’d love to hear back from you if you have anything you want to share. Have a great Monday!